Back To December
by Carlos'sCupcake
Summary: A drabble about Kendall based on Taylor Swift's song...


**A/N Okay, so I heard this song in the car on my way to the store this morning, and the idea popped in my head, so...thus a new babe was born. Okay that was corny and I'm so tired I feel like my eyes are about to bleed so I don't care lol. Hope you guys enjoy :)**

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me", I say as I slide into the booth across from Kendall and offer him a smile as I let my eyes wander over him. He nods at me, looking just as good as ever, wearing a black t-shirt, most likely with a pair of his signature skinny jeans and a comfortable pair of Vans. His shaggy blonde hair is cut short and spiked up, but looks really great. I haven't seen him since we broke up last year right after Christmas, and I finally gathered up the courage to ask him to meet me.

Kendall's green eyes scan over me quickly and then he picks up the menu, and I follow suit, not wanting to sit in awkward silence. "So how's life? How's the family? I haven't seen them in a while", I remark, browsing over the beverage section.

"Everyone's good", his green eyes peer at me from over the menu briefly, then disappear. "I've been really busy, being with the band and all now".

"Hi, I'm Harley and I'll be serving you today", a brunette lady with a high ponytail suanters over to our table, a pen in one hand, a notepad in the other. "Can I get you started off with something to drink?"

Kendall motions at me with his hand to go first. "I'll have an unsweetened iced tea, please." I watch Kendall order a Dr. Pepper, and then wait for the waitress to walk away to try to spark up a conversation. I ask a series of questions; about the weather, last night's ball game, and my line of work, which only get me one word answers and I sigh in frustration to myself.

Kendall seems guarded, barely looking at me and I completely understand why. The last time we saw eachother must still be fresh in his memory.

_We made plans to hang out, but I wanted us to take a break. Kendall was going to be leaving for tour in a few weeks and I knew it would be excruciating. I was selfish, thinking only about myself and how I wanted a boyfriend who was always gonna be around. I didn't want someone I couldn't see everyday, or someone who was out travelling the world while I was stuck in this crappy small town. _

_ I still remember what we both were wearing that day, how chilly the air was, the uncomfortable way I slowly strolled up the walkway with my arms crossed over my thick red sweater. Kendall opened the door and broke out into a big smile. I stopped at the doormat, unable to force myself to go in. Before I could say anything, he thrust a bouquet of roses, my favorite flower, out to me. I chewed on my lip nervously and then set the flowers down on the padded bench on the porch and broke up with him. He was so upset, he was shaking. He tried to argue with me, tried to protest, but I wouldn't hear it. I slid my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and walked away as if it was a normal day, his broken voice calling my name the whole trek to my car. _

So now here I am sitting in front of my ex-boyfriend, in the diner we had our very first date at, trying to tell him that I'm sorry. That breaking up with him was the single most idiotic thing I've ever done in my life, and all I've done since then is miss him and wish I realized how much he meant to me at the time.

I barely even sleep anymore, constantly replaying the memory in my head over and over again. If I could turn back time, I would've waltzed right into Kendall's house, clipped one of those roses and tuck it behind my ear, and cuddled up with him on the couch and stayed in his arms all night. I would've stayed his girl forever.

Several holidays have passed since then, including his birthday which I didn't even call him for. It would've been so simple to send a text or an e-mail, anything basically, but I was afraid. I didn't want him to tell me that he hated me, I couldn't handle it. Also, I didn't want to have that weak moment where I would break down in tears and beg for him to take me back.

I think back to last summer, and all the fun we had._ The times we went to the beach, and played in the water all day. We went to the drive-in twice, both times watching scary movies wrapped up in his embrace, burying my face in his chest more often than not. Our times at the bowling alley, just hanging out taking walks. No matter what we did, we always had fun. My favorite times were when we would hop in the car and just drive around with no destination in mind. Being in his presence, leaning against his shoulder while he drove, listening to him singing. Most of the time we would stop at a store and pick up candy since I have a major sweet tooth, and I would always toss skittles or m&m's into his mouth. Sometimes he would bite my fingers playfully, always laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. There were times where we would pull over in a secluded spot and he would take out his guitar and play and sing. Oh, I could watch him do that forever. Sometimes we would spend the night in a little hotel, and a handful of times we ended up making love out under the stars._

_ Just as it's always occured in nature, summer turns to fall. I went back to college, and he was spending a lot more time in the studio rehearsing and preparing for the upcoming tour with his band Big Time Rush. Some nights we would just sit out on his porch swing with a blanket wrapped around us, sharing memories from when we were kids. We went to a Halloween party together and made jack o'lanterns. Kendall went home with me to meet my family for Thanksgiving, and then before I knew it, it was Christmas. He gave me a gorgeous necklace, that is now tucked away safely in my jewelry box. As a broke college student, I was only able to give him a really cool collection of Jimi Hendrix vintage records that I found at a thrift shop for an incredible price. He loved it though, no amount of money could pay for the smile on his face as he unwrapped them._

But the fear crept into my mind a little more and more as each day passed, and I reacted with basic human instinct, I ran away from what I was afraid of. Would Kendall find another girl while he was out touring for those three months? Would he realize that maybe he doesn't care about me? Would he grow bored of being the only guy of the band with a girlfriend and want to free himself so he could have a new girl everynight or not feel left out? I had so many doubts that I scared myself off. Kendall never gave me a reason not to trust him, or to have those crazy feelings or thoughts. He just gave me himself, and all of his love, while I turned around and told him goodbye.

Sitting here in front of him now, not an ounce of love has left my heart and I miss how we were. He was always so good to me, so right. I miss everything we shared, and think about how it would be if we got back together. I swear I'd love him right. Without hesitation, I straighten my back in the booth, knowing what I have to do.

"Kendall", I speak his name softly and reach across the table to rest my hand on top of his. "I miss you", I confess and look hopefully into his eyes.


End file.
